Non-Dieting Approach and Health At Every Size?

I started this blog in 2011 and I looked like this.

It still hurts to look at this picture.  I know how unhappy I was.

Then I spent the next year and a half losing 45 pounds and stressed out of my mind because I was forced for the last year to work with a pushy "health coach" who had the power to cancel my healthcare membership, which did happen when I did not lose enough weight.  Never mind that my blood work, blood pressure, and exercising were fantastic. Man, talk about stressful.

Healthy, happy and still fat. 

Then we moved in 2013, which caused more stress and I regained the weight.  That was two years ago. Since this past April, I dabbled with low carb and Trim Healthy Mama, losing 30 pounds.  I also was able to exercise consistently until an injury in September and again in November. Interestingly enough, my weight stabilized sometime just before the injuries and remains about the same without any changes in my diet and absolutely no exercise.

I have since then started to do some thinking about those diets, all those diets.  I have come to the conclusion reached by many others in the non-dieting world, that diets only work for as long as you can stand the deprivation. And our bodies are hardwired to work against us voluntarily starving ourselves.  Did you read those statements and let their truth soak in? Diets don't work. 

The reality is is that this diet will eventually fail.  I don't want to constantly be thinking about food do's and don't's.  I don't want to count anything, nor write it down.  I don't want to step on the scales and feel defeated because my weight went up a pound even though I rode my bike 25 miles that week, 100 miles that month.  I want to be free of the diet mentality. I have to be free of it. 

Now, along the way this past year, I have discovered another very important truth.  My body feels its best when I eat healthy food and move my body consistently.  I like the way I feel when I do healthy things! I do not want to lose this truth.  It is very important to me to eat in a way that makes me function my best.  I have learned that certain foods agree with me more than others.  This is different than "dieting" because I am in no way limiting quantities of any food.  If I am hungry, I eat.  I regularly "check in" to see it there are any cravings that need to be fulfilled. This is called intuitive eating.  I am working on being a better intuitive eater.

I still have a long way to go.  I am trying not to be afraid to eat certain foods, like potatoes, corn or other starches.  I still choose to eat mostly low glycemic foods because I truly do feel better when I am eating less sugar, which still sounds frighteningly like a diet or perhaps a food disorder.  My relationship with food is still so complicated.  My body image is severely damaged after years of self-hate.  Yes, self-hate because I have not nourished myself as I have needed consistently.

There is one more thing that I must relate here because it is important to me.  One person for which I am utmost thankful.  My dear, darling husband is and always has been my biggest supporter.  He gets it.  He has never once in 22 years of watching me struggle with my weight, said anything negative about my body.  I truly appreciate that.  He loves me.  He is always encouraging no matter how silly I become with food.  He has ridden the tide of many a food jag that I have been on.  Hopefully, he can stand one last change, the last I pray!!

I am in no way giving up on myself. I am changing my focus. From now on, health is my number one priority, not the number on a scale. I am going to keep on exploring how to improve my relationship with food.  I am going to get back on my feet as soon as my toes are healed. I am going to pray that I have not messed up my kids too very much with all my "sugar is bad" talk. I am going to learn to love my body, the one I have, not the one I wanted.  That is a tall order, as it has been since the age of 13 that I have been trying to change my body. That is a long time to be at war with myself.

I am not sure what this blog will be in the future.  Do I need a place to record my health at any size journey? Maybe, maybe not.  Time will tell.  :)

I feel super vulnerable writing this post. I know that not everyone is aware of the facts that diets don't work. The world is brainwashed by the diet industry and the pursuit of thinness.  Thin privilege is a real thing.  Fat shaming is something I experience.  It keeps me from doing a lot of things.  It is especially hard dealing with well-meaning family members who think fat people cannot be healthy people.

If you would like to learn more about the non-dieting approach, here are some good websites to check out. I hope you will.

Figureate's non-diet approach

Dare Not to Diet Blog 

Healthy Balance Fitness 

Joanne Arena MS, RD 

Health At Every Size Blog